Editing Journal - The Hunt for Kellerot (section)

== Detached From Karmana ==

I found myself floating in a featureless nothingness, feeling disconnected from Karmana but sensing the minds of the others as if through a "mental fog". Occasional ribbons of colour like slicks of oil on water flowed through the air around me. As soon as I thought about the colour red, and perhaps touching one, it coalesced in front of my hand allowing me to reach it easily... but as soon as I did so I found myself stood on hard, jagged, volcanic rock in intense heat. Only my crown's protection was keeping me alive. The landscape was covered in lava pools and flowing lava streams, volcanoes erupted all around, spewing rocks, ash, and magma into the air. It was raining down all around. It was another world, and not a great place to be!

At that point I felt utterly alone, unable to detect Karmana or my friends. The air was thick and choking, possibly poisonous although I could just about stomach it despite having to cough from time to time. In the far distance a black speck was moving in the sky in a way that appeared controlled, and different to the rocks erupting from volcanoes around me. I started towards it, with no other landmark to discern where I could go, and soon afterwards it changed direction to head towards me. As it drew closer it became obvious that it was dragon shaped, although distance was hard to discern here. I stopped and stood, waiting, unarmed and ready to meet whatever it was, hoping that it would be friendly but with little choice about it if not. It grew larger and was clearly a full-grown dragon.

A voice boomed in my mind "Curmkanoroc, I have waited a long time for one of your kind to rescue me." I said that I was glad and honoured to meet one of the Elvradrak again, but asked what was this place? An ancient and battered black dragon landed beside me with surprising grace, only slightly smaller than Hope and easily dwarfing me with its immense bulk. She introduced herself as "Lost and Alone", saying that this place was nowhere that she knew of, a soulless and godless place devoid of life and apart from Karmana. I asked how she came to this place and she said that she had been battling the ancient enemy in the skies of her homeland. The power of the False God was tearing at the seams of reality, and he was trying to destroy one of our Mother's holy places. She had tried to protect it (an image of an obelisk appeared in my mind), but his power had struck at it just as she tried to cover it. Her last thought was of the Forge of Life, but she found herself trapped here, lost and alone.

She asked if I would guide her soul back to our Mother. I said that I would, and gladly, but I feared that we would have to find a way back to Her first. She said that she would follow my lead (calling me "great one" but I certainly didn't feel great about the situation) and that if she had possessed the power to return then she would have already. I described the place we had travelled from; the room with the basalt obelisk and the gold inlaid star as well as the nothingness and the red ribbon, asking if that meant anything to her. She feared that we had travelled the Creator's pathway, the place that connects all worlds. She too was there briefly, but had found no way back to it. I asked if the Creator had any power here. She knew little of his power, but believed that he had power anywhere he chose to. Only the heart of chaos would be denied to him... although this place had much of chaos about it.

I wondered if bringing some order to that place might bring the attention of the Creator upon us, but nothing Lost had tried had worked and I had used what little power I had could from Karmana already... and I wasn't sure that any of it would work when I was separated from Her anyway. I offered a prayer to Karmana and the Creator, at least knowing that they were aligned in purpose now I felt I could do so without conflict. It was to little avail, though, as it would require considerable power to get the Creator's attention in this chaotic place.

I had no source of power strong enough except... but I recoiled from the idea at once. Yes, the soul of a dragon would potentially allow travel back to Karmana, but the only way for that to happen would be for Lost to die. Lost had been listening to me, my thoughts as plain as speech to her, and spoke: "I know of no other way. Death has always been my only escape from this place but I feared my soul would be lost in this realm of chaos. If you can carry even some part of me back to our Mother then I would gladly die to save us both."

It is traumatic for me to even think about what eventually transpired, let alone write it. I spend as long as I could with Lost trying to avoid the inevitable, telling stories of our travels and my time with Hope, and she was especially interested in every detail about Him (Falcor). I was kind and left out some of the details, but she was joyful about his transformation in particular, even if he was yet to grow to his full potential. I asked about his armour, which was clearly designed for such a purpose, and she said that it had been fashioned by the Elvradhil and blessed by Protector of Life in a land far from the Forge, allowing him to move amongst the other Children in his bidpedal form whilst still having adequate protection. I mentioned that many of the parts were lost now, but she was not concerned saying that they would be drawn to Him (or Him to them) as the armour was connected to his soul with a bond that could not be broken.

Discussing the place we had travelled from she was unaware of it in detail, but understood that He had found a way to travel using the energies of the Gods themselves as his pathway, allowing him to open a pathway to wherever was needed and arrive instantly. I noted that Falcor had no memory of it, but Lost had faith that our Mother would restore Him. She also said that if the Caphelon Draklac was fighting alongside Him then it gave her great hope that we would succeed. She said that if the Draklac could also be restored then we would have strong allies in our fight. I said that I feared we would need them, describing the shadowing mockeries of Elvradrak that Hope had fought. Lost recognised them, saying that she had also fought them and that they were no match for a true Elvradrak one-on-one, but to be careful as they would seek Him out whilst he was vulnerable.

My strength was beginning to flag, the incessant intense heat of this place taking its toll and my waterskin empty. I could wait no longer...

I ended her life. That makes it sound clean and easy, but it was neither. She allowed it for the sake of her soul and Karmana, and I did it for the sake of our souls and Karmana. I would almost have rather died there, I still wonder if I should have.

Once it was done a powerful surge of energy filled me and I focused on returning by the Creator's pathway to the basalt obelisk. In an instant I found myself on the floor of the basalt obelisk with the gold star beneath me in the place I had left it, or so I thought, but the obelisk was whole. A shimmering curtain of light collapsed in front of me, then a prolonged bolt of energy leapt from me into the obelisk and I felt that some part of Lost had been returned to Karmana and her lingering thanks were in my mind for just a fraction of a second, giving me some reason to think what I had done was actually worth it. I sank to my knees, drained but alive and dehydrated. Only then did I notice that I was not alone; I was surrounded my lizard folk, although better armed and armoured than the ones we had seen before. They seemed shocked by my appearance, but were reaching for weapons and clearly meant to attack. I felt some echo of the energy from Lost giving me renewed strength as I tightened my grip on my weapons and roared an incoherent challenge, glad to have something to take out my anger and grief on.

---

Whilst I was being traumatised, Falcor had apparently been training in his "castle" (the Godly version of his safe environment), honing his skills and reflecting on his fighting techniques with an old master. When he was done he joined Arad, appearing instantly on a massive branch of an unimaginely vast tree, where Jeanette was talking with Arad. She eventually recognised Falcor when he prompted her, but claimed to not have seen him for centuries... a very different time had passed for her than for Falcor.

She revealed to them both that I had emerged in the past, which was a bad thing. The Creator's one rule (is there really only one? I suspect others would emerge if you got creative) is not to mess with time as chaos always ensues. She said that she would send them to retrieve me, but that they must not use their powers as the False God would sense it and that would set in motion events that should not happen at that particular time. She stressed that they must minimise their presence in that time in any way possible, lest the present be changed, and not for the better.

She explained something of the means of travel by the obelisks, explaining that the way we activated the obelisk had reduced the power required to travel, but that time was the key, and the one really difficult aspect. Only the Elvradhil might have the means to set the right time to enable travel safely. She also mentioned that the place we had traveled from was the 3rd holiest place of the Elvradhil as Jeanette reckoned. Falcor also asked about the name that one of the Sarn had called him ("Robur") - our souls have existed through history in different bodies, so they have names of their own that have endured. Falcor was "Robur", Arad was "Consat" and I was "Anima".

When they finished their discussion Arad started praying to the Creator to prepare them for their encounter, although he wasn't sure that the blessings would endure when they traveled through time (he was right, they didn't). Once he was ready, Jeanette reached out her hand and a brass doorknob appeared, a trace of a door visible in the air. She opened it and they could see a part of the room that I was in beyond, hurrying through with the promise that the door would be reopened in five minutes of time on Karmana.

---

They emerged into the room full of lizards armed with longswords and wearing chain armour, looking prepared for combat but not expecting the new arrivals in the corner of the room; instead the lizards were focused on me in the centre. There were about a dozen in the room spread out on all sides, so it was fortunate that my friends had appeared in a corner away from the doors. They saw me absolutely covered in blood and gore, hair slicked down by it, kneeling and retching, sickened by what had just transpired. Letting out my roar I rushed toward a lizard that was between me and the new arrivals, but Falcor was faster and managed to run around them to intercept me. He picked me up and started to carry me towards the planar door, but then became overwhelmed by the smell of blood coming off me, starting to retch himself, and was forced to drop me.

Arad kept to the wall, engaging one near to the physical door nearest where they had arrived from. The lizards quickly closed on us, although they were a little surprised to be attacked from two directions so some were slow off the mark. Arad landed a good hit, but couldn't get to door before a lizard opened it and shouted for help. Another lizard did the same at the other end of the room, so we would have to move quickly. Arad finished off the first lizard, and turned to see how we were doing. Falcor was hit, which was unsurprising because he was on his knees almost defenceless.

Seeing this, Arad moved to help us, slicing one that was attacking me from behind. I leapt away, trying to get some room between me and Falcor (I suspected I knew what was causing his nausea); I was slashed across my side as I tried to get clear, but I had my revenge when I moved under its guard and stabbed into its relatively soft body, opening a deep wound. It fell, trying to hold its guts in. I spun past and swung at another, landing a powerful blow, letting my rage out with powerful cuts and stabs. Falcor recovered his senses as the smell faded, slashing powerfully across the chest of one lizard as he got to his feet. He shouted for us to move into the corner, stabbing a lizard with his dagger, but took a couple of hits as he tried to back up.

I was also hit, although another blow scraped across my armour without penetrating. Arad stabbed another one with his short sword as Falcor struck out, killing one of the lizards that had hit him. Arad finished his foe off, making some space, and I managed to cut one attacker down, although I still had one on me. Falcor also killed one, and we were starting to thin their ranks and form a loose arc around the corner to keep a perimeter. I hoped that there was a reason for this, as the door the others had arrived through had disappeared by now, but I could do little but trust in them as they seemed to know what they were doing.

Arad was closest to the physical door still, landing a hit on a lizard there. I stabbed the one still fighting me, and Falcor finished it off from my left, but he neglected his own defence and one of the two attacking him from the side landed a blow. More lizards were arriving now, from the far end of the room, and closing fast. I stabbed one just as we heard Arad shout: "Shaman to the right"! We were all hit, and despite my pain I was more worried about Falcor. Then suddenly it was pitch black and we couldn't see a thing, although Falcor wasn't affected at all. I swung at where my foe had been a second ago and luckily it hadn't moved; my sword cut deep and he fell. I wasn't completely sure he was finished, but his armour and weapon made quite a bit of noise hitting the floor, so I at least knew he was down.

Falcor was in the fortunate position of facing several foes that were hovering at the edge of what they saw as darkness but he could see perfectly well. He quickly put two strong blows into one foe and killed it, backing off into the darkness again like a murderous shadow. Arad also managed to kill one in the dark, striking where he thought the foe had been as I had. He shouted that he couldn't see, and I did the same. Falcor responded that he could, and came closer, cutting down one that was trying to attack me as I backed off, oblivious to the threat. Falcor slit the throat of another lizard (although it was in the dark so we didn't know it at the time), and it collapsed gasping quietly and bled to death.

Arad was trying to defend the door in the dark, connecting solidly with one but only with its armour. Falcor finished another one, seemingly enjoying the advantage that being able to see when others couldn't gave him. He could see that there were more lizards poised ready to engage, but not moving forward. As I backed away and became more disconnected from the fight the darkness started to seem oppressive, and my thoughts started to return to Lost and the terrible act that had brought me to this place. I sank to my knees, sobbing once more, saying: "forgive me, I'm sorry" quietly and rocking slightly in the dark.

Falcor was still fighting, darting out to surprise one outside the darkness with a stab before darting back out of sight. It did respond quickly with a blow, but his armour kept him safe. Just after this we all suddenly saw a bright square of light in the darkness, clear to us despite the blackness all around. We ran towards it as Jeanette shouted "hurry up, you're late"! I was closest, so I reached it first, stumbling through onto the massive branch that the others had left just a few minutes ago. Jeanette recoiled in horror at my appearance, reaching for a knife but not drawing it. Arad followed; he was hit in the back as he turned, but his armour absorbed the blow. Falcor was last, outpacing a wild swipe behind him as he left. As soon as Falcor stepped through the door closed behind him and we were safe.

Jeanette asked of me: "what have you done?", then turned to Arad saying: "sort him out!" before disappearing. I dry retched, my dry throat probably the only thing saving me from emptying my guts. Arad started to pray for me as Falcor kept his distance. A natural spring appeared in the wood at Arad's feet, or at least I didn't think it was there before. Occasionally I could swear that the whole thing was an illusion and I was back on the Creator's pathway again. Were my friends real? At once I was back, with Arad reassuring me and pouring water over me, praying as he did so. The blood and gore started to wash away and disappear, cleaning far more quickly than was normal. Arad was struck by a powerful voice in his head, almost stunning in its intensity, saying "my son, have a care, this is not from another realm, this is a loved and lost child."

I asked for water, which Arad gave me, and I sipped at first, unable to swallow more. But then drank deeply as soon as I was able. Falcor demanded to know what had happened to me. I spoke of my journey and the place I had ended up in, and then of meeting Lost. When it came to the end, though, I found it too difficult and my words petered out. I looked downcast and just said "I saved our souls". Falcor, guessing I think what might have happened, pressed me for answers, demanding to know what I had done. Eventually I just said "I killed her".

Arad stepped back, slightly aghast. Falcor was furious, pacing around and angrily wanting to know why I hadn't waited for him in the room, or what made me go to that place, and what made me so important. I didn't fight, for most of it was a fair criticism, but at that last point I snapped back "I didn't do it for me, I did it for her! Do you think I could have killed her on my own without her letting me?!" Her soul was with Karmana, of that I was sure, and she had been alone for centuries. It didn't make what I had done any better, but I had done it for Karmana, I had promised to heal Her and that was the only reason I would have done such a thing.

I was starting to phase in and out of the nothingness and tree again, losing my grip on what was real. Falcor tried to grab me and keep me in the place with them, with Arad trying to reassure Falcor of the Creator's grace even as Falcor hated me for doing what I had done. I tried to focus on the tree's branch and thankfully it came back into focus, with Falcor stepping back away as I became solid again. I clung to the tree, asking if we could leave quickly. Arad decided that would be for the best, and thought really hard to summon Jeanette. He was successful... but I was banished to the nothingness as soon as she appeared! I freaked out a little and tried not to think of or touch any colours, or think of any places, curling up into a ball with my hands pressed into my eyes.

Arad talked to Jeanette briefly, and in moments we appeared back in the room we had originally left, with the broken obelisk. I was still rocking on the floor, not sure what was real any more, but Arad encouraged me to come away from the star. I crawled on hands and knees, but moved away. Arad prayed over me again, calling on the Creator to heal my wounds, which at least helped me to feel physically better. We had a short discussion over whether the Creator was really with us always, with me noting that places of chaos might weaken that link. Despite this, I thanked Arad for his faith and for helping once more.